The Author of My Days September 30, 2010

Oh, my dearest Jesus.  He knew what I was going to be up against this week.  He knew what I was going to need and exactly when I was going to need it.  I haven’t even asked.  He just knows.  He just blesses.  He just loves.  Here is a short synopsis of what has been going on this week.

I have been out of my classroom for 1 and a half days this week for various reasons such as professional development, meetings etc.  My kids miss me and I miss them.  They told me yesterday that it wasn’t fair that I had to leave again.  I felt the same way.  On top of this, teaching new content, being tired, working on things outside of school, and just giving my all to those kids who really need me.  Well, this morning, I really needed a much larger flower to wear to school than I have ever seen made, because flowers encourage me and make me feel better.  So I settled for glitter on my headband and zebra print shoes.  It helped a little.  By ten am, I was in tears.  Just frustrated, and overwhelmed, basically feeling helpless, and hopeless.  Nothing that bad had even really happened, minor things really, but the enemy of my heart, which was refreshed just last night, was after me.  He wanted to steal my day.  And I, was going to give in and let him.  But, the author of my days, the lover or my soul, my protector had different plans.

My new magnetic white board came in, and if you are a teacher, you know exactly how cool that is, and I was able to calm down a little bit in the hour before lunch.  Breathe a little.  I left the building with a friend at lunch to get some fresh air.  I texted my husband and told him that I needed something positive for today, and then forgot about it.  I knew he wouldn’t respond, and really, who else texts a teacher during the day?  No one.  But, then, I looked down and my phone was blinking.  An email for sure I thought.  But it wasn’t.  It was my best friend, the one who takes all the beautiful, stunning, amazing pictures of my husband and I.  And she told me, that our pictures were being featured on Southern Weddings Magazine daily blog today!! I have been waiting for this day, because she knew that it was going to happen, and told me, but, for it to be today, of all days?!?!? THAT WAS JESUS!!  He knew that I needed a reminder that I have value, I have beauty, I have romance, I have adventure, and I am making a difference.  I have something to offer the world that no one else can offer.  Just like I tell my kids, “without you, we all miss out!”  Without me, the world misses out!  And Jesus knew that I needed that today, and had the wedding magazine editor wait until the day that I needed Jesus, to post those pictures.  Incredible.  God, is so good.  He is the greatest.  Beyond description.

Then, as an added bonus, the writer put my story on the blog.  My words.  More proof, that I go much deeper than a pretty face.  What I have to offer comes from the heart.  It comes from Jesus.  And as soon as I broke down, and admitted to someone that I didn’t have it altogether, and needed someone else, the Lord came through for me.  The timing of Casey’s text message.  The timing of mine to Dean.  All of it was too perfect to have been anything but Jesus.

Thank you Jesus for loving me so dearly.  thank you for loving me so tenderly, and so patiently.  Thank you for protecting me, when the enemy of my soul is after me.

Thank you.

I know it could never be enough, but thank you.

You alone, can pursue me this way.  I love you Jesus.

Relieved and Reminded,

Princess Brooke

A rose, by any other name… September 23, 2010

A few weeks ago, I posted about reputation.  And the fact that the Lord goes before us, and he builds our reputations.  He works in the hearts of those we are to be presented to, those we are to meet, those we are to influence.  The Lord works, and he gives us the reputation that we need in these people’s eyes, so that we have favor with them.  Or, whatever it is that we need.  Since that time, the Lord has really just been reminding me of this, and has been speaking of His name, and His reputation.  So, I have clearly seen two sides to this little thing I am learning about right now.

Last week at life group, somehow we got on the subject of the first time that one of the ladies in my group met me.  Her thoughts were, “I cannot be in the same room with that girl!”  Now, understand, this was when we were working in the nursery, which is in my opinion, one of my best times.  And to tell the truth, I was shocked.  So, she told me when the first time she worked with me was, and that she had seen me pick up a small child, and discipline him, and thought that I was kind of rough, and not good with kids.  She did not know, that the child was my godson, and that he knew me, and I knew how to handle him.  She also proceeded to say that now, she does like me very much, which must have been God working in her heart.  Saving my reputation.  But, it opened my eyes.  It made me think, that we just assume everyone around us knows our intentions, and knows our hearts behind the actions that we take.  But, sometimes they don’t.  Sometimes they don’t know the story.  They don’t know who we really are.  What we really believe.  The lady in line behind me at the grocery store doesn’t know that I love to dance, and laugh, and smile and sing.  All she sees is the me that is so tired I’m ready to drop.  The look on my face may not appear tired though.  It may appear angry.  Or grumpy.  The lady behind me doesn’t know that I am working out the many challenges of teaching in my head as I await my turn, and not griping out the clerk silently.  She doesn’t know these things.  People don’t always know us like we think they do.  We walk around, acting like everyone in the world knows who we are, and what we stand for.  We act like we shouldn’t have to live it, people already know.  But, that is not the case.  So we do need to be aware, be cognizant, of what it is that we are representing.  Who it is that we are representing.  A person can know that you are a christian, and that is about all, but see something that may confuse them.  Now, I am not saying that we need to be perfect, or that we need to be totally concerned with what others think of us.  Believe me, those are two traps that are hard to get out of.  I just want us to think.  There are people out in the world, who don’t know us.  People who don’t know Jesus.  How are they ever going to meet him, if we aren’t aware of who and what we are sharing with the world?

The other half of this, is the Lord’s name.  Clearly, reputation is important to Jesus, if he goes before us, and makes ours for us.  There is a song we have been singing at church, that talks about the name of the Lord.  Every time we sing it, I am just reminded of my blog on reputation, and how much that matters to Christ.  I am reminded that He has such an incredible reputation.  In the Bible, it says that the demons flee at the mention of his name.  Christ and his presence don’t even have to be there, and yet just saying his name causes His greatest enemies to flee!! That, is a powerful reputation!!  Just the mention of the name of Jesus, and things fall away.  I know that after a long hard day yesterday, I didn’t even want to go to church.  I wanted to get in bed at five and sleep until this morning.  But, I went.  And as soon as I started singing the name of Jesus, my bad day fell away.  All that mattered was Jesus.  And what he has done for me.  Just his name, was enough to knock back all that I was dealing with.  All that had me down, and overwhelmed.  It was amazing.  And all that power was just in his name.  But, the good news doesn’t stop there.  Although just the name of the Lord is enough, I get the whole God!  I get the whole creator of the universe, the lover of my soul, the savior of my life.  The God that died for me.  I get all of Him.  There is so much power and wisdom and knowledge that is available to me, simply because I am his.  It was an incredible revalation.  An amazing experience, just to think about all of the blessings that are available to me, because the Lord doesn’t stop by giving just his name.  He gave his life, so that I can have life abundant.  I get so much more than His name, when I receive Jesus as my savior.

So, how do these relate?

The name of the Lord is a powerful thing, that we proclaim, and share.  He has an amazing reputation.  How are you affecting his reputation?  Are you showing the world who you truly are, and thus furthering the name of Christ?  Or, do you hide your heart, and let the world get you down?  We all do this sometimes, but I want us to be more aware.  Are you accurately representing the one who saved your soul?

In His Name,

Princess Brooke

Fear and Femininity September 14, 2010

Again, it has been too long since I blogged, but I did start school, so this seems to be, at least to me, an appropriate excuse.  The Lord is showing me two main things right now, but like all the others, they seem to be tied in to one root of, I am beginning to believe, perfectionism.

The first thing the Lord is speaking to me about is fear.  Somewhere in my life, I have picked up a great fear of tragedy.  I fear car wrecks where my loved ones die, I fear crazy, random things happening to my husband and being alone.  Like, I freak out when he doesn’t answer a text message within what I consider to be a reasonable amount of time, and have been known to call the last person he was known to be with.  I know that some of this stems from a fear of abandonment, as well as a need to be in control, and I combat the lies with scripture that I do not have to be in control, and that I can trust my beloved Jesus.  But he is beginning to show me just how much I allow my fear to affect my life.  And not just my fear of tragedy, but also my fear of rejection.  Now, I know from a recent sermon that I am not rejected, I am accepted, and I have the option of allowing that rejection into my heart.  But, I am accepted.  Therefore, I should not be living in fear.  However, the Lord is showing me just how fearful I am in my life.  I am afraid to speak because I might be wrong and look stupid.  I am afraid to make decisions because I don’t want to be at fault.  I am afraid to talk at times because I don’t want to be misunderstood.  All of this fear!  Nearly every time that I look inside and wonder why I am reacting in a certain way, the answer is fear.  And, I believe the Lord has to start working with me on this, because he has said that I will be fearless.  Now, this is a tall order to fill, but I know from other conversations with Jesus, that I don’t have to do the work.  He is going to take my fear, and make it a footstool to me, if only I will lean on him, and let him fight for me.  Oh women, how he loves to fight for us!  He did not create us to fight or strive, but to rest, and abide.  And he provides for his beloved daughters, his precious princesses.  I do not have to become tough and hard hearted to overcome my fears!  I don’t have to hold a frog in order to triumph over my ridiculous fear of frogs!  My God is going to take care of that for me!  He is going to ensure that my heart is changed, and that my fears are forever conquered by me, all because I have placed my trust in him.  Praise God that he works in his children, and loves us enough to take us down these paths.  Walking through the thick brush with Jesus is so much more worth it than staying on the easy path alone.  Besides, living in fear is crippling, and I do not want to live that way any longer.  I desire a new level of freedom.  A new level of joy, and a new level of peace.

The other thing that God is speaking to me about is my femininity.  Last week, I was extremely blessed by one of the other teachers in the building.  She walked by, and had a flower for her hair, which of course, I just thrilled at.  Later, when I complimented her on it, she said that she was just holding it for a student, that it wasn’t actually hers.  However, she said, “I knew that you would love it!  I have the little girl class this year with bows, and dresses, and butterflies and flowers and all things you!”  She identified me, with all of the things that I consider to be so feminine.  And, in the past, I have not been associated with anything feminine like that.  But, I do love those things.  And I have taken a step out on a limb, and worn some of those things, and loved every minute of it.  And the Lord just said to me, “it has been noticed.  Your bold step forward to know yourself as a woman has been noticed.  You are seen as a woman.  As feminine.”  This truly means so much to me.  I know that sometimes bows make me look younger.  But I don’t care.  They make me feel free.  They serve as a reminder, that I am still someone’s little girl, someone’s princess.  I am unique, and I do have my own beauty to unveil.  I am in my own way, uniquely feminine.  I don’t have to be the same kind of feminine as other women, and you don’t have to be the same kind of feminine as me!  But I am noticed as a woman, and for the first time in my life, not only do I believe it, but I am thrilled by it.  I am thrilled to be associated with bows and flowers.  With skirts and butterflies.  With lots of colors and big jewelry.  I love it!  I love being a woman.  I love the freedom that it brings.  But, even deeper than the headbands that I wear, everywhere basically, is the meaning that they have for me.  It shows a glimpse of the freedom that Christ has given me over the last few years.  The freedom to not be tough, and guarded.  The freedom to wear what I really want, no matter what others think.  The freedom to be who I really am, and not have to consider what could be wrong with that.  The freedom that comes from submission, as that is the will of Christ for a woman.  The freedom that comes from not having to be in control all the time.  I just really can’t even begin to put into words what it means to me to be able to wear a headband with a bow on it!  Or to wear a peacock feather in my hair, or to wear skirts every day of the week.  It means that, my greatest question has been answered positively, and more than that, that I have finally embraced it!  That these things are truth!!  It reminds me that I am treasured.  That I am loved.  That I am precious to the creator of the universe.  That I am the beloved bride of Christ.  That I am delighted in, and that I am lovely.  In my way.  In the way that God created me to be.

It reminds me that each and every woman is uniquely feminine in her own way.  Jeans and a t-shirt.  Skirts or sweats.  Make up or none, hair bows or ponytails.  Every woman, has a beauty that belongs only to her.  It is hers alone to unveil.

Yes.  Every woman.

Embrace it.

Unveil it.

Don’t fear it.

Thanking Jesus for making me a woman,

Princess Brooke