Will you give him your love? August 20, 2013

So I was perusing my personal facebook this afternoon, and ran across this “note” that I had published there SIX years ago.  Aside from the fact that I immediately wondered where the time had gone, (until I heard the toddler toys singing their familiar song in the background) I read it over again.  It spoke to me.  In the busyness of my every day life, I forget my own heart.  I forget my own passions.  I forget to look for the little surprises.  I desperately needed this reminder.  So I know it isn’t throwback thursday (#tbt), but I decided to repost this anyway.  I hope you enjoy the read 🙂

Will you give him your love?

March 20, 2007 at 8:52pm

 

So this is pretty much my heart right now.

I have a night class on Tuesdays. We get out around 8:30, and normally it is dark and cold. Not tonight. So while I was walking back from class this is what I realized.

There is a God-shaped hole in our hearts.

We try to fill this hole with anything and everything.

Especially in a relationship with a member of the opposite sex.

It will never work. This is why.

There is nothing that any guy could ever do for you ladies, that would even begin to compare to the gentle kiss across your cheek that is a soft breeze. There is no way that any man could ever paint you two masterpieces every day of your life, never to be duplicated, yet with the same name every day: sunrise and sunset. There is no way, under heaven that any man could give you as many diamonds as Christ died to give us. We call them the stars. Can a man ever know every quirky thing about you? No. Not the way that Jesus does. Which is why I know that I am the only one who even noticed the five red tulips that have bloomed nearly a month early. And the three yellow ones mixed in. My love knows that I love tulips, and after a long, kind of confusing day, where my faith and patience were tested, I heard a small whisper. Look to your left. And there were my favorite flowers…blooming before their time. Just for me. I have no doubt that it was for me. It was a sweet surprise that only Jesus could have given me today. That’s why flowers are the best gift from a guy anyway. Because they first came from Jesus. So there are all of these little things. And then there is spring time as a whole. I don’t know of any man who could make the earth come alive slowly, gently, like a whisper, just for the purpose of enthralling me for weeks at a time. But Jesus can. And he does. And its not just for me. Its not just for women. He does it for every single one of us. Your surprise may not be the early blooming tulips. Yours may be the smell after a good spring rain. Or the blossoms on the pear trees right now. Yours may be an open field of grass, or a call from an old friend when you aren’t expecting it. But Jesus gives you surprises every day. He does it because he is trying to romance you. And it is the greatest romance of all time. Until you are satisfied with just his romance, with just his love, nothing will make you happy. And when you are satisfied with his love, when you allow yourself to be romanced by the creator of the universe, then you may not know how to be sad. Yes there will be hard days. But there will still be that everlasting joy that he has given you. That you find in him. And at the end of a sad day…another surprise from the romancer or your soul.

All he wants is you.
Your love.
Will you let him have it?

What’s Yours? April 10, 2013

This past weekend I had the privilege of working a wedding. (That’s what I call it-we catered, decorated, coordinated, trouble shot, and put out hypothetical fires ;)) Just a normal weekend in the wedding planning world.  However, I had an interesting conversation this time around that made me do some thinking.

After the rehearsal on Friday night, the pastor asked my partner and I, “How long have you two had this ministry?”  At first, I thought, surely I didn’t hear him right, or maybe he is confused and thinks that we come with the church, as their coordinators.

And then I realized-he was right.

I have a ministry.

The wedding world can be a crazy one to navigate.  Girls (most) want the wedding they have always dreamed of.  But there are issues to deal with.  Logistics, budgets, flower availability, catastrophes.  Things you don’t think of until it is too late-unless you make the wedding world your business.  Weddings can be stressful.  For brides, their grooms, their friends and their families.  No one wants to deal with a stressed bride.

But that is what I do.  I help women plan their dream weddings.  I help moms and daughters maintain a happy, healthy relationship throughout a stressful process.  I help women who are still in school, who are moving, who are starting new jobs.  I help brides that want the desires of their heart to come true, but don’t know how to make it happen.

My favorite part of my job is to see the bride leave our first consultation, without the burden she carried on her shoulders when she walked in.  I love seeing the moms at ease when they know that we will take care of the details that have been bothering them.  I really really LOVE it when the bride arrives on her wedding day, and has a chance to see what we have done 🙂 It makes my heart happy, and I know it makes my brides happy to see the end product.  I love it that I can tell my clients, all you need to do is get dressed.  We have everything else under control.

A wedding day is a huge day.  A huge step in your life.  When you are starting that journey, you shouldn’t be worried about the fact that the caterer is missing, or the cake lady got sick, or that the flowers you wanted aren’t available because Columbia had a flood.  You should be focused on the step that you are taking with the man that you love, under God.  You should be focused on the covenant you are making to God and that man.  Not those other things.

My ministry isn’t always in a church.  My ministry doesn’t always involve a bible.  My ministry isn’t a “traditional” ministry.

My ministry is wedding planning.  My ministry is finding a way to help brides see the desires of their hearts become a reality.  My ministry is letting them focus on what is most important about a wedding.

My ministry is also as a wife and a mother.  Even before a wedding planner.  My ministry is to my husband, and my son.  To love them, and show God’s love to them, good days and bad.  To teach my son about God, to show him the way to walk. 🙂

That’s my ministry.

What’s yours?

Snow Days February 26, 2013

I cannot tell you how long I have been wanting/meaning to sit down and blog.  Too long.  But, with school cancelled for the second day in a row, meaning I have reinforcements on the baby front, I finally made myself sit down and do it.

So, in the year+ that it has been since I blogged, what has God been doing in my life?

Too much to even talk about!

Most recently, gratefulness.  Blessings.  Oh the oodles and oodles of things I have to be grateful for.  An incredible husband that loves and cherishes me.  The fact that my amazing husband is also a brilliant father to our almost ten month old son.  Watching the two of these guys roll in the floor “wrestling” and seeing Dean take care of Mac, whether it is bath time, or a bottle, or feeding him the baby food that I think stinks to high heaven, I am continuously blessed to have his help, encouragement, and love in my life.  I am blessed to have a healthy little boy.  We have encountered several minor health issues in his first year of life, and all have been healed by our loving Jesus.  Having a little boy has brought more joy to me than I ever could have imagined.  He is full of joy, and love, and a sense of wonderment and awe that I can’t help but catch as I watch him chase various balls around our unlevel apartment floors 🙂

I am blessed to have great parents and sisters.  I am blessed that my youngest sister seeks me out for advice, and that my middle sister has a baby too, and I frequently seek out her advice.  I am blessed that they both give and receive advice extremely well 🙂

I am blessed that my parents are amazing at leaving us alone to live our own life, but at the same time, I know that they are just a text/phone call away.

I am blessed that Dean’s parents love me as their own.

I am blessed to have FRIENDS.  For a while, I felt as if I didn’t have anyone I could refer to as friend.  Now, I realize I have so many wonderful women that I can text/call/talk to when I am hurting, or joyful, or just came across something that I found funny and wanted to share.  I have a group of women who accept me as I am, quirks and all.

I am blessed to be in the business(es) I love.  Being a mommy and a wedding planner.  Ask my dad, every day in high school when he came home for lunch, my best friend and I were watching wedding shows.  I was always drawn to weddings and events, but thought there was no market for wedding planners.  I was wrong, and the Lord saw the desires of my heart, and gave them to me without even making me seek it out.  My two awesome partners and I have 21 weddings booked for this year.  I could never even have imagined that I would be this blessed. (Besides that, my partners are about the most hilarious things anyone has ever met, and it is hard to call it work when we laugh as much as we do!)

I am continually blessed by little things in life.  Snow. Sunshine. Hot coffee.  Fat free flavored creamers for guilt free coffee. Peanut Butter Frozen Hot Chocolates from Dairy Queen. Club sandwiches. Nature documentaries. Colored jeans. Rainy days. Naps. Trips to the flower shop, and walks through their cooler.  Walks with my two favorite guys :). Sunrises. Sunsets. Gentle breezes.  The tease of spring.  dark chocolate chocolate chips. Our life group. Random funny texts.  Hot water.  Sunbeams through the windows.  Apple products. Face time with my niece. My niece. Mac. Dean. Playing Call of Duty with Dean. Reading books. Hearing Jesus. Driving randomly around town with Dean. Muffins. Sweatpants. Flowers. Talking to Jesus. Knowing who I am.

Overly blessed.  So grateful.  I can’t even begin to list all of the things I am grateful for.  I know that I am abundantly blessed, and I am so grateful for all of these blessings.  I am so thankful that Jesus continues to use me, love me, and grow me, even when I feel that I am not worthy.  I love that he continually reminds me that I am.

Look for the blessings in your life today.  Big and small.  You will be surprised just how it changes your mindset, and you will be surprised at just how blessed you really are.

 

Brooke

Random Moments September 27, 2011

For a while now, I have been wanting to write a blog.  However, I have been thinking to myself, “I have nothing to say.”  And while it is true that I don’t have a great earth breaking revelation to share, it doesn’t mean that I have nothing to say.  It is the small, random moments in life that give us things to speak about.  It is the little moments of peace and quiet that we happen upon in life that we hear Jesus in.  It is those things that we can share.  The little truths that are whispered to our souls, when we least expect it that others can learn from, and be encouraged by.  So, I think I will share a few of those.

One day while I was quietly listening to an education presentation, I heard the Lord say to me, “you are not alone.”  It came on the heels of a text from a friend, that said she was supposed to tell me that I was not isolated, and needed to stop hiding myself in a corner.  I’m the best at what I do.  It was a shocking revelation to me.  Sometimes I feel like I am alone.  Like I don’t fully belong to a group.  There is something that keeps me out.  But-it is simply not true.  Im not in a corner.  I am not alone. I have friends and family who deeply love me, and I could not ask for more.  Now, where I could improve, is that I could be more intentional about building relationships.  I have always felt that I am a burden to people, and that I just suck the life out of them.  I don’t want to feel that way.  I want to give life, and share my heart with others.  Satan has been lying to me about my value in friendships, and I am sick of it.  I am connected, loved, and I have something to give.  Something very precious to give.

Also, in my quiet moments, I have realized that all I need to know, is that God is good.  I have lived under a lot of fear in my life.  I feel like in a lot of areas, I have just been waiting for the other foot to drop.  I am too blessed, something has to go wrong.  This is too good to be true.  Something is due to fall apart.  I have just grown up believing these things.  After Dean and I got married, I feared losing him more than I thought possible.  I have mourned him repeatedly because he didn’t answer his phone when I called.  Now, I have grown and received healing, but I still find myself wondering when things are going to break.  But-I don’t have to anymore.  I know, that no matter what, other shoe falling or not, my God is good.  He is going to hold me, love me, protect me, and carry me through anything that comes my way.  I don’t have to live in fear, and have a plan for what might go wrong.  I don’t have to be in control and be afraid and constantly planning what I am going to do for this tragedy or that catastrophe.  I am not only held by the God of the universe, I am seated at his right hand with all his power and authority.  That is good stuff.  I love knowing that.  I love knowing that I am cared for.  I am deeply loved, and when I hurt, my God hurts.  He loves me that much.  I love knowing that he has a plan, and he will take care of me.  He will provide for me.  It brings peace, and joy, and more of a smile to my face, than any fear and plan of my own ever could.

Lastly-

I love to create.  I don’t care what it is, I just love to create.  Dean got me a sewing machine for my birthday a few months ago, and I absolutely love sewing!  I have made burp cloths, a blanket, a baby crib sheet, and am now working on crib bumpers for my sister’s baby that will arrive in December.  Creating makes my heart happy.  Maybe in the future I will have some pictures to post :).

Until then, enjoy those random, quiet moments in your life.  Use the little moments to be your big revelations.

Trusting,

Brooke

Remember Who You Are July 4, 2011

About a year ago, I was asked if I would talk at our annual women’s retreat about perfectionism.  More specifically, I was asked to talk about rest from perfectionism.  So, with a deadline, I attacked this issue in my life, and listened to the Lord about how he had defeated perfectionism in my life, why it was a sin, and many other aspects of being in this rest.  It was a great time in my life, I learned a lot, and truly enjoyed sharing this journey at our women’s retreat last October.

At the beginning of June this year, I remember thinking to myself that every blog I wrote seemed to be about perfectionism.  They were all good things that I was learning, but it seemed to me that my focus had shifted.  I couldn’t put a finger on why it bothered me.  I was still blogging about what the Lord was doing in my heart.

The third week of June our church had our annual youth camp, Boot Camp.  I was a runner for it this year, and spent most of my week running around making sure things were taken care of.  So, by Wednesday evening, I was dog tired.  I walked into the church kitchen, where the prayer team had just finished praying over the service.  They asked me how I was, and I responded that I was tired.  So, they asked me if they could pray for me, and of course, I delighted in the prospect.  While they were praying over me, one of the prayer team told me they felt like I should listen to the message that night and let it remind me of who I am.  Immediately, I thought I knew what they were talking about.  The message was supposed to be about purity of heart, and I am all about purity.

When it came time for the message, it wasn’t exactly about purity, but something even dearer to my heart.  Value.  Knowing your value.  I am passionate about young girls knowing their value in Christ, so that they don’t feel they need to compromise their purity in any area.  I am passionate about young girls, and women in general knowing that they are valuable, that they are princesses, and that they are free to live from their hearts.  I knew that for me, this message was exactly what I needed to remind me of who I am.  I am a warrior for women’s hearts.  I am a warrior for my own heart.  I am a woman who desires to live from her heart.  A woman who knows that I have value and incredible potential that my enemy fears.  I am a passionate, strong, princess of Christ.

What I realized that night, is that I had let one of my triumphs become more of my value than my true value.  We all have a grid.  After someone recognized a triumph in my life, I took value from that.  Saw that I had value as someone who had overcome something.  Who might have insight into that area.  I put this in my grid, and as a result, saw everything in my life through that grid.  So, everything in my life naturally related to perfectionism.  I am not saying that this is a bad thing altogether.  I learned a lot more throughout this year.  I just let it cross the line, and let being a recovering perfectionist become my identity.

I think we see this a lot in our world.  I am the girl who broke up with her bad boyfriend.  I am a recovering alcoholic.  I beat pride.  I am free from this, or free from that.  We let our triumphs dictate where we find at least a portion of our value, our identity, instead of letting all of our value and identity be dictated by Christ and his word.  He is, after all, the one that gave us the triumph.  It was his word, and His love, most of the time speaking to our hearts about the value that we have, that has given us these triumphs.

So, I hope that in the future my blog will be more true to it’s title: release my heart.

Look back at the things you have overcome.  Rejoice that part of who you have been made in Christ is more than a conquerer.  But always remember that you are more than that.  Ladies, remember that you are princesses.  You have a king that fights for you.  Remember that we are all warriors for our hearts.  Remember that you are valuable with or without victories.  Because in reality, the victory rests with the Lord.  Remember that most of all, you are loved beyond measure.  You have value beyond measure to the king of kings.

You are more than your victories.

A free heart once again,

Brooke

Communication is the Key May 21, 2011

When I was in high school, I played volleyball.  We took this as kind of our mantra during one of our seasons, and I really never thought it would hold more meaning for me than it did in volleyball.  But, as with most of my thought processes in high school, I have been proved wrong.  Oh that Jesus, he is ever full of surprises!

A few months back, I posted a blog titled don’t speak.  I realized that I was afraid to speak.  Afraid to voice my opinion because I was afraid that I would be wrong, or thought badly of.  Well, in my new battle to make myself speak whether I am wrong or not, I have come across a new battle.  Communication.  We say that communication is the key to marriage, and winning volleyball games, but I never knew that it was also important in my battle to actually speak, and share my heart.  Since I have posted the blog don’t speak, I have come across several situations where communication lines have gotten crossed, and there were misunderstandings.  In short, something went wrong.  Nothing major, and it took probably about four instances for me to realize that it was actually bothering me.  What I realized, is that communication is not perfect.  Wow.  Knowing that, you all now know how I really feel about it.

And so, this lie that I have long believed that I need to be perfect, is what has made me withdraw into myself, and not only not speak, but not rely on others.  Not rely on my communication with others.  I am not a big fan of delegation, which I am sure is not a big surprise.  Now, do I have to delegate?  Yes.  I delegate a lot of different jobs in my classroom to students, but even then, I am very concerned that it is getting done right.  And, unfortunately, if the job is done wrong once, I have a very hard time delegating that particular job again.  Ever.

Now, a lot of things in my life that have gone wrong, I feel there was something I could have done to do it better.  To fix the problem.  With communication, it really doesn’t work that way.  With communicating with others, both parties normally feel that they did their best job getting across what they wanted to get across.  And still, somehow, things got mixed up.  A genuine mistake.  That is why communication errors bother me so.  I can do nothing to fix them.  I can do nothing to make them better.  Most of the time, there is just a genuine misunderstanding.  Both, or all parties did their best when sharing, and there was just a mix-up.

So, where it leaves me, is that no matter how hard I try, communication is not perfect.  I misunderstand, you misunderstand, we all misunderstand.  It happens all the time.  The only reason that it bothers me, is because I want to be perfect.  And in all these little spots inside of me, I am realizing what a burden that is.  I am also realizing, that this is just one more area where I have to trust, and lean on my savior.  I have to lean into the grace that he gives, and trust that he will make things right.  Trust that he will cover.  He always does.  He is a great and miraculous God, and I feel that there are many times he intercedes before we even realize there was a miscommunication.  He covers over so many things before we know they need to be covered.  He is just that good.  That amazing.  I don’t have to work to be perfect, I already am.  I am already covered.  And I don’t have to worry about mistakes, or misunderstandings of any kind.  They are covered.  They will be made right.  They are not the end of the world.

And they are not the end of the world because I have a God who loves me.  Dearly.  Preciously.  Abundantly.  Thank you Jesus.

Thank you for growing me,

Princess Brooke

It’s Not About You March 27, 2011

Well, I really don’t know where to start.  I should probably not apologize about the length of my absence from the blogging world, because month long interludes seem to be becoming a habit for me.  It has been a crazy month, filled with learning, and growing, and really just doing some things that I think I would have done a long time ago, had I let my heart out of its cage several years ago.  Anyway, onto the blog I sat down to write today.

For probably about six weeks now, I have noticed a theme in the things that God is speaking to my heart.  He is saying to me, “its not about you.”  The first place that I was able to put words to what I was feeling was when I was listening to the Daily Prayer found in Captivating as I would get ready in the mornings.  There is a place in there, where John Eldredge says, “its not about me, its about you.”  It shocked me into realization that that is exactly what I was learning.  It’s not about me.  I would notice that if I felt lacking, or incapable, I would say, “well I am doing the best I can.”  This in itself is a great stretch and change for my perfectionist self, who would normally believe that there was more I could have been doing than what I was doing.  I could do better somehow.  However, it still is not about me.  It’s not even my best.  It is the fruit of what God has blessed me with every morning as I rise and every second during the day.  Everything I have, everything I give, all of my strengths and all of my weaknesses, are about Jesus.  Everything I do is for His glory, and not my own.  Somehow, in my teaching, in my blogging, in my perfectionism, I believed that even the works the Lord was doing in me, were all about me.  How he wanted me to be better.  How he wanted me to grow.  I believed that teaching showed only my strengths, and my weaknesses, and had nothing to do with any other factors in my student’s lives.  I believed that even my blogging was about what I was learning and what I was sharing.  And yes, these things are about my life, but my life is not even my own.  My life is Christ’s.  I have the pleasure and the great responsibility of living for Him.  Being his hands and his feet in the earth.  Being a tangible representation of his heart to those that are lost and hurting.  And that, is not about me.  Everything that I do, reaches far beyond my own circle of influence.  It reaches everyone he wants it to reach.  It brings him glory.  No matter how many views or comments I get on this, I know that as I sat down to finally write it, the Lord’s will was accomplished somehow.  I got to be the one to do the typing, but it is all his plan, his glory, his will.  It is about him, much more than it will ever be about me.

As a perfectionist, I have a strong belief that more than anything, my mistakes are about me.  Me and me alone.  But, I have come to realize that even my mistakes are not about me.  Knowing that I am not the center of everyone’s thoughts, everyone’s judgement, everyone’s criticism, or even their praise, has peeled another layer of the perfectionism off of me.  Because my strengths, and my weaknesses, are not about me.  My strengths are for the community, the body of Christ, and my weaknesses are what draw me into community.  I can’t do life alone, and my weaknesses allow a space for someone else to offer their strength.  A place for the Lord to draw his children together and share life with each other.

So, if life is not about me, what is my life about?  Who is my life for?  I believe that we were created for community, and for the glory of God.  That is what my life is about.  God’s plan, God’s will, God’s desire, and being a part of a community of believers that does life together in order to bring glory to their Father.  Even the day that I sat down to write my notes for this blog, a month ago next Saturday, was a day that I took for myself, but it wasn’t even about me.  It was about what the Lord wanted to do in me through refreshing me.  It was about what he wanted to say to his community through me.  A day that I took for my own refreshing, was not about me.  I can’t share the love of God if I am drained and weary.  It was about a plan that God had for his children.  More than just one child.  What if, even for a few minutes a day, we stopped, and thought about how our lives related to the lives of others?  What if we stopped and spent a few minutes wondering how God was using our trials and triumphs for the good of the whole body, and lived for a brief moment outside of our little world?  How would this change not only our outlook on our lives, but also our sense of value in the body?  How would it change what we believe about ourselves, and then give us more to share?  What if we thought about how our actions effected others?  Or how God wanted our lessons to bless others?  I think that if we begin to think about being part of a body, and how that works, it is going to change our whole outlook on life.  It has started to change mine.  I am not saying that I am completely transformed in this area, because it is a renewing of the mind and of the heart.  It is changing the pathways in our brain, digging new ruts and filling in the old ones with truth.  It will take time, but when I remember to think outside of myself, immediately I can see how the Lord is using my ordinary day for someone else within his Kingdom, or even possibly that is not in it yet.  What if we stopped and thought about how our actions represented His glory and not ours?  I think this would be a total transformation for some of us.  It is for me.

Another benefit of thinking this way is that we are going to reach outside of ourselves.  We are going to reach out to others.  When we reach outside of ourselves, it brings relationship, and it brings trust.  Aren’t these two things the Lord desires for his children to foster amongst themselves?

Lastly, I want to say that we make messes.  And I have recently learned, that even our biggest messes are not about us.  God takes our messes and turns them into beauty.  I recently wrecked my car, and thought it was a pretty big mess.  However, through this mess, the Lord introduced our whole family to some people we might have not otherwise known, and given us a chance to bless them.  He has given me a chance to grow, and maybe someday I will be able to share my lessons with others in this area.  Even my biggest mess, was not about me.  The Lord took it and made it work for his good.  And it has turned into a beautiful situation.  Thank God for his goodness and his grace.

Our lives are not about us.  They are about Him.

Thinking broader,

Brooke

Don’t Speak February 10, 2011

Well, I have been sitting on this one for a while.  I don’t know why, but I could not bring myself to sit down and write this for at least three weeks.  But, I once heard, that the Lord won’t share more with you until you have done what he asks with the words he has already given you.  I can feel that hearing his word is a little me vague, and I desire his presence in my life more than anything.  So, again, I am reminded that obedience comes before sacrifice.  So here it goes.

In Captivating, there is a scene where it talks about three women at a retreat, and the lies that they have believed.  They are asked to go back to their rooms to journal about what the Lord is speaking to them, and it is here that the Lord breaks all three of their lies.  One was don’t ask.  One was don’t offer.  One was don’t speak.

Strangely, I believe all of these myself.

It has taken lots to realize each lie seperately, and I have come to realize that I am valuable.  I can ask.  I have something valuable to give.  I can offer.  So I am left alone, with don’t speak.

For those of you who have known me less than three to four years, I know you don’t believe this.  And looking back in retrospect, is where I find this lie.  Where I see what Jesus has been trying to reveal to me all this time.

When I was in school, even into college, I never raised my hand in class.  I never offered answers.  I was too afraid that I would be considered stupid, or that I might be found out that I was smart, and relied upon to answer all the questions from that point on.  In life, I kept my mouth shut.  I never offered an opinion, never spoke up.  I would have rather been trampled than vulnerable.  Even with my friends, I never spoke.  I was considered shy and quiet.  The truth, is that I was afraid.

Why is this such a shame?

First, the Kingdom of God is voice activated.  From the first time that we proclaim him as Lord of our lives with our mouths, to the very words that we speak over our lives.  Everything that we say and speak outloud, activates the kingdom of God.  All of the power that we have been given, all of the authority, is brought about by speaking the promises in His word.  So if we want to live the powerful and abundant life for which Christ died for us to have, we will speak.

Also, I have always felt that I was blessed with a gift of words.  I feel that those words can be spoken or written.  I think that part of the reason that don’t speak was such a deep rooted lie in my mind, is because that is a lie that would hurt me, and would harm my ministry to others as well.  Because I believe that I can’t speak, that I don’t have anything good to say, I will often put off that blog, (or not write it at all), or hold back a word of encouragement because I am afraid that it could possibly offend.  I will not share what God has done in my life, because I am afraid that I will be thought stupid, unworthy, or that my testimony won’t be scripturally sound.  I will not speak because of my fear.  This hurts those that I am supposed to minister to, and not just me.  It hurts the plan that God has for my life.  It inhibits the plans that my precious Jesus has for me.

So this is me combatting the lie.  This is me speaking.  This is me writing the blog I have put off.  This is me breaking free.

I have a God who deserves to be worshipped with every breath.  I have a God who deserves to be spoken of, who deserves, and longs to be shared.  I have a God who deserves to be praised.  A God who deserves to be honored with a life dedicated to him, and shared with others, through words.  Written words or spoken words.  A God who has given me a gift and wants me to use it. 

Thank you Jesus for this gift.  Thank you for this truth that has set me free.  You are my freedom.  You are the reason that I speak.

Breaking Free,

Princess Brooke

Winter January 13, 2011

Well, it has been a while. I had a wonderful Christmas
break, learned a lot about myself, had great times with both
families, and even got a little bit of alone time in. 🙂 Then
school started again. I was absolutely dreading it. I guess this
year, having been through the spring semester once before in the
same position, I knew exactly what lay ahead of me. And I was not
looking forward to it at all. Most of you who have read even a
single post of mine realize that I struggle with being a control
freak perfectionist, and this is something I have to repeatedly lay
down at the cross. The upside to this, is that I am starting to
realize when I have taken control more quickly. Which means that I
don’t get as far down that wicked path before I am able to turn
around, and give control back to my beloved Jesus. During the fall
semester, I had done a really good job of remaining chill. Knowing
that my Jesus was going to take care of me and provide through all
of the challenges that state mandated testing brings to the
surface. The pressure. The stress. The desires that I have to
people please. You know, all the things that drive a control freak
perfectionist over the edge. It was a wonderful semester. However,
it was like as soon as I went back to school, I was in complete
task mode. No fun, no smiles, must do work, must make this happen.
It was all death. I had taken control, stopped trusting, and never
even consciously realized it. Going back to school wasn’t as bad as
I thought it would be because I love my kids to pieces, but I just
wasn’t happy. Wasn’t experiencing life. All of this came to boil
this past weekend. On Saturday, I was just restless. Didn’t know
what I wanted to do, or where to go, or if I wanted to go anywhere
or do anything. I just was in a bad mood for no apparent reason.
Which is totally not normal for me. Eventually, I relaxed, and
enjoyed my evening, but never could put my finger on what was
bothering me. Then, Sunday morning, I walked into church, and
realized that the sermon was about being “alive in God.” Before
worship even started I knew I was going to be going to get some
prayer. That is just how Jesus is. He has to prepare me for these
things. But, the other thing I knew instantly, is that it was going
to be alright. I figured out at that moment that I had taken
control from Jesus again. Stopped trusting. Tried to do it all on
my own. As Jesus put it when he was speaking to me, “You don’t let
me be enough for you.” Ouch. Not that he isn’t enough. Just that I
won’t let him be enough. I block all of his love and mercy and
provision and joy instantly when I try to control instead of trust.
As soon as I knew what was wrong with my heart, I surrendered it.
Got prayer after the service, and have been more fully alive since.
I have laughed this week. I have smiled. I have made jokes, and
loved my kids more. I have laughed with my husband more when I get
home from work. I have given more of myself because my energy is
not all focused on surviving. It is focused on my sweet Jesus and
letting him be the boss. Letting him carry my load. This is a daily
battle for me. It is something that I have to give to him every
morning. But it is so much easier to give it to Jesus in the
morning, than to carry it around all day long, and give up in pure
exhaustion at the end of the day. Jesus didn’t say that we must
take up our cross once and be done with it. He said we must take up
our cross daily and follow Him. But His cross, is so much lighter
than the other loads I try to carry. Thank you Jesus for your
patience. Thank you for your mercy. Thank you for ending this
winter in my heart. Thank you for new blooms. Enjoying an early
Spring, Brooke

A True Woman December 10, 2010

A true woman.  What weight these words carry.  We are bombarded with so many definitions of what a “true” woman is.  What a true woman should be.  What we should be.  Skinnier.  Prettier.  More delicate.  More feminine.  A better cook.  Cleaner in appearance and home.  More merciful.  The list goes on and on.  But what is the real definition of a true woman?  What is it that we should truly be striving for, truly be seeking?

I would like to suggest: nothing.

I believe, that a true woman, is one who is true to herself.  One that is true to her heart.  One that is true to her God.

God did not want all of us to be the same.  That would be boring, and one only has to look at the difference in the sunrise from one morning to the next to know that God does not do boring.  God made women.  And while there are certain things that define us as women, and many things that we have in common, I don’t know that we can compare ourselves to one another and say who is the better, or truer woman.  I have been meditating on a statement that the Lord spoke to me for a while now, and I keep finding that I need it for my own good.  “It is not about who is best, but who is called.”

Sometimes, I look at other women, and think that they are doing a better job of being a woman.  They cook dinner for their husbands more than once a week.  They have a cleaner house.  They are mothers.  They wear more jewelry.  Look more put together.  Have cuter clothing.  Have more mercy and sympathy on others.  Are more encouraging.  I become discouraged at all of these thoughts.  And truly, I do not think God meant for me to be discouraged when looking at His creation.  I identify with a sense of lack when I look at others and long.  And this is not to say that I shouldn’t cook more often for Dean.  This is not to say that we are to stay exactly where we are and cease growing because we are who we are.  Not even close.  It is to say that perhaps I should be more interested in what God desires for me, the desires he has put in MY heart, than what others are doing with their lives.

I have been on the quest to become a “woman” for several years now.  In the beginning, I had a hard heart, which I do not believe is in God’s plan for any of his children.  Especially not his daughters.  Because women are to have open hearts.  It is one of the things which belong to all of us.  Step up and claim it.  The Lord had to create a tender heart in me.  One that was teachable, open to Him.  He had to break down the walls that I had built up around me to protect me.  He had to break mindsets, and even muscles.  My precious Jesus had to teach me to be tender and vulnerable.  It was my lesson to be learned, and sometimes I still have to learn it.

Recently, he had to teach me to rely on others.  To rely on Him.  To sit back, and let him fight my battles.  To let my God do the work, and just sit at his feet.  It was a hard lesson to learn, because I have always been a do-it-yourself kind of girl.  But, it was good for me to learn.  Good to learn to trust my God to provide, and to protect me.  Without my assistance.

Somewhere along this journey, I became aware of the fact that I am supposed to be tender hearted.  Kind, gentle, and tender.  This is true.  True for me, and for every woman.  It is part of the heart of God that we speak to others.  But, along the way, I forgot about a different part of who I am.  A part of me that is equally as woman as the tender part.  A part of me that is just as equally if not even more necessary.  The part of me that is a warrior.

There is something fierce in the heart of a woman.  Something that knows how to fight, and will fight to the death for those that she loves.  In my journey I forgot about that part, and was not then being true to myself.  Not a true woman.  I was learning what it was to wear flowers in my hair, and to share my heart with others without fear of them hurting me.  I was learning to be vulnerable, and kind.  Tender and gentle.  But I forgot about the part of my heart that needed to fight.  That was needed for others.  For my husband.  For my students.  For myself.  For my ministry.  I would find myself lying down, and wanting to give up.  Something in me jumped at it, and wanted to do something, but a wonderful truth had been distorted.  “I am a woman” I would tell myself.  I need to be tender and gentle.  And there is a time for that.  But there is also a time to stand and fight.  There is a Princess Warrior within each of us, and the world desperately needs that part of us.  We are needed.  Full armor on, we are needed ladies!  All of us.  Not a part.  Not a portion and not the bare minimum.  Every ounce of our hearts is needed.

We may not fight as we think we ought to.  We fight differently because we are women.  We fight lies with encouragement.  We fight depression with a gentle touch of love.  We fight the enemy with our prayers and with our praises to the Most High.  We fight every day.  We fight to keep our hearts so that we can continue to be gentle and tender.  We fight lies of our own through surrender and through vulnerability.  And yes, there are times when we are fighting in a severely fierce way that does actually look like battle.  But through it all, we feel.  We are tender and gentle, but we are fighting.  We are warriors.  The only ones who can battle the way that we can.

So what is a true woman?

It does not have anything to do with our outward appearance, and whether or not we prefer jeans or skirts.

It does not have to do with our hobbies and whether we choose hiking or cooking.

It has nothing to do with who the world tells us to be and what we ought to “strive” for.

It has everything to do with our hearts.

It is a woman who remembers who she is.  In Jesus.

A woman who rests in this knowledge.

A woman that remembers who her God is.

One that loves herself because of this truth.

One that loves Jesus.

Again, it is all about Him anyway.

Released to be,

Brooke